You made it… 100 blogs. I thought the best way to document this milestone was in scrapbook format of course, so here’s my celebratory page:              

10. The kids think Dad is so cool because he has his own (Dot com) as they call it.

  9.  Mark supports and encourages me to scrapbook even more for the blog.

  8.  This is only the beginning…we have big plans for Emotionally Married

       to become so much more.

  7.  Our relationship is constantly being redefined and improving because

       of his writing

  6.  We reach for the camera daily to capture our lives on film

  5. I finally had a reason to justify my NEED to get a Cannon Rebel camera!

  4.  It’s a place I go daily to see what’s on Mark’s mind; giving us

       something new to discuss.

  3. The comments and feedback from readers that have made changes

      and improvements in their own lives.

  2.  Mark is able to share his love about couples and life to the world

  1.  It brought focus back to Mark of what he’s truly passionate about,

       couples and families.

Congratulations Mark I am so proud of you for making Emotionally Married become a reality. I love you and am thankful for who you are.  You are genuine and real with yourself and others.  You have helped me become a better person, which in turn has made me a better wife and Mother.  Keep Dreaming…. You’re heading in the right direction.

One thing I love about Spokane is that our Spring stays around until the end of June. The weather doesn’t warm up too fast and everything kind of slides into summer. We get out of school late so it works well with the weather. Maci and Cooper graduate from pre-school Wednesday and then the boys are out next Friday. As we prepare ourselves for summer I thought I would share one way that Cami has captured what we love about Spring.

Here is what she wrote: Spring days also mean going downtown Spokane to play at Riverpark Square. We get season passes to ride all the rides and then end the day playing in the water fountains…it’s the whole day - taking in the sights & being together…Love it!
As you move from Spring to Summer, I hope you capture what you love. Find what you and your family enjoy most and make time for it. We are all busy, yet we will find time for what matters most. When Cami and I were first married we took a class on marriage and the instructors taught something that changed our lives. They said that your kids won’t remember the summer you updated the kitchen or remodeled the bathroom. What they will remember are the summers you spent doing something together as a family. Get out and play!

I write often about the term safe haven because I believe in it so much. A safe haven is a place or relationship that offers us a buffer from the stresses of life. It is a refuge from the storm and a place to get rest. Mothers are the ultimate safe havens in the world…I don’t think we ever out grow our need for our safe haven mother. A key part of safe havens is that when we know we have one, just that thought can bring peace and comfort. You can be physically absent and emotionally present. Moms who offer their children a safe haven send them into the world with an advantage because they can call on the memory and comfort of safety at any time. Growing up there was always something special about knowing my mom was there…whether it was the middle of the night when I was sick, or after school when I walked into the house, or later in junior high when she would drive me and my friends all over town. Knowing our mothers are there and that we can access a place of comfort and safety gives us greater strength to face the adversities of life.
In my family there are 8 kids…all adults. We still access our safe haven almost weekly. Even in a day and age of email, instant messaging, and texting…all 8 kids call home to check in with their mom. She is the hub and we are the spokes in our large family wheel. We don’t call because it is something we decided to do once we were adults, we are simply carrying on a tradition of keeping our safe haven close even though we may live far a part.
Moms….thanks for making the world a safer place. Thanks for offering compassion to the kids (young or old) who need to know it is going to be okay when they are sad, hurt, or scared. Thanks for giving us a place where we can find rest in this busy, noisy world. Thanks for offereing us a buffer from the stresses and attacks we face each day and week. The best part is that moms don’t have to be perfect to offer safety and comfort. Sometimes they just have to be there, open their arms, their ears…and listen. Kids (young and old) will live happier, healthier lives when their mothers offer them a place of safety and comfort.

I love to ask moms this question: Who are you? They are so quick in their reply: “I’m a mother, a wife, a daughter, and maybe for some a grandma.” I like to follow up the question with another, so who are you? They are still quick in their reply: “I’m a taxi drive, a cook, baker and chef, I’m a maid, a house keeper, coach, and cheerleader.” I like to follow up with one last question just to see some emotion, and who are you? This reply often comes with some questioning of its own as they don’t quite get what I’m after. Some say, “I’m all those things and I could continue the list forever but it seems you want something different.” I’ve even had a few continue and say, “see you are just like everyone else, not happy with what a mom gives you and always wanting more.” Guilty. I do want more and so should you. When mothers think of who they are, I hope they don’t end their story with a list of roles they play or jobs they fulfill. Being a mother is a noble role AND you are an individual, one with character and personality. One with style (even if you don’t get to show it all the time when the kids are young). You are one with hopes, dreams, and ideas.
So now I ask, who are you? Take some time to think of your story and your description. We all have a script that tells our story and we are the character in the movie of our lives. Who writes your story and what is the role that you play in determining the plot, story-line, and outcome? Moms are some of the most powerful, influential people in the world. They are the silent directors who develop aspiring actors. They have so much talent and they need to take the time to turn the camera on themselves.
Who are you? What is your story? The way you make sense of your life and the stories you tell to others can dictate the way you live your life. If you don’t like something about you or your life….change your story.

Here is Cami’s journaling for DREAMS:
Sometimes you don’t realize what your dream is until it’s staring right at you. When I was young…I didn’t seem to have the typical little girl answer of “when I grow up I want to be a Mom”…But look at me now. I am choosing to be a Mom and finding joy in this role, however it doesn’t define who I am as a person.  I’m still me, and it’s through this role that I am progressing personally.  Yes some days are exhausting, frustrating, and hectic, yet I wouldn’t dream of being anywhere else. I find strength in each of you and thank Heavenly Father daily for the loving family that surrounds me, makes me laugh and supports me in living my dream…of being a wife and Mom! So to you all…it may take some time to find your own path in life…but once you find it there is nothing more fulfilling, or rewarding than to live your DREAM.

In honor of National Scrapbook Day (I’m sure you all celebrated this fabulous holiday today), I’ll share one of my favorite albums and tell you the story behind:

For some reason this holiday seems to sneak up on us and often it passes us by without much flare. Now that the boys are in school we are reminded to wear green so we don’t get pinched. We hope you enjoy your weekend and Happy Saint Patrick’s Day! Do something green!

Here is a scrapbook page Cami did about Preslie last year at this time. Cami’s challenge was to use the color green.

Ten things I love about you

Playing the whisper game in your ear…it makes me laugh hard

Going down slides head first…very brave for a 16 month old

Using sign language to tell me you want “more”

Bending over to do “Head shoulders knees and toes” & getting distracted by your toes

When you fold your arms to say prayers

Your belly laugh when you are getting tickled

Seeing you outside running around…simply amazed by the open space

Leading the music at church

Sliding down the stairs so fast on your belly

Hearing you say “maaaaaa” or “mommy” when you wake up in the morning

Life is busy. Life is complicated. Life can be overwhelming. It was a week ago that I was on my emotional roller coaster. Now today our family is on a coaster ride that we all want off….we have sick kids. I feel bad when going to work is a “break,” but this morning is one of those days. We’ve had two different sick bugs taking turns picking on the kids. When we have days or weeks like this it can be too easy to allow ourselves to become occupied with the LOUD things in our lives. After having two sets of twins, Cami and I realize that we easily fall victim to the moto, “Whoever cries the loudest gets fed first.” This week it hasn’t been hungry screaming kids, it has been tired, sick, clinging kids.
What moments are worth capturing in the middle of a sick week? If we allow ourselves to look beyond the noise, the mess, and the pure dread of another sleepless night, we can see simple beauties that warm the soul. In the middle of the night we have Preslie (our two year old) yelling at the top of the stairs, “mommy where are you?” This morning as Braunson and Beaudry were getting ready for school (yes, they are finally feeling better), Preslie said, “me go to school,” and as we walked out the door she clung to each of our legs and yelled, “daddy home.”
After dropping the boys off I felt like “I was finally alone,” and thought about getting “lost” on my way to work. I felt tired and overwhelmed and could tell I wanted a break. I pictured Cami who has a much more difficult job than I as she has the sick kids all day, so I decided it would be better to get to work and try to get back home early rather than get lost.
So hear I am….it’s quiet, no noise, no screaming, no one climbing on my lap…no nose to wipe. This is a moment to capture, a moment to enjoy. If someone was to see me they would think that this was any ordinary Thursday morning…and it is.
Yet, I’m in the moment…living in the present…enjoying these moments of freedom, I might even say bliss, as I am happy! It only takes a minute to capture the moment.  Above is Cami’s scrapbook page about capturing Preslie in one of those moments (you can read the journaling at the end of the blog)

 So Stacy Julian (http://stacysbigpicture.typepad.com/) tagged me on her blog and gave me these rules to follow. The rules: Link to your tagger and post these 3 rules on your blog.

• Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
• Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
• Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Here are my 7 facts:

1. I married my high school sweet heart and we met on the last day of 6^th grade.
2. I consider day dreaming my #1 hobby.
3. My three favorite TV channels are The Food Network, The Travel Channel, and ESPN.
4. I can cook a killer rack of ribs!
5. Our family spends our summer vacation living out of a pop-up trailer.
6. I don’t know how to “Tag.”
7. I only read one other blog and that is Stacy’s. In fact I might be one of the few men who read her blog on a regular basis and it is from following her that I/we decided to start our own, Thanks Stacy! Since she tagged me and I only read her blog, I guess my end of the tag line is finished. Sorry.

For those who followed Stacy’s tag to our site, I hope you like what you’ve found and that you’ll stick around. 

 Journaling: “Smile inside and Out”

It’s times like these I am reinforced to have camera with me at all times.  A Sunday afternoon in our front yard and I captured it.  Preslie your eyes and smile say it all…innocence and joy for living in the moment.  It was a simple tree swing that lit your face up today, but this expresion of yours comes out often.  I wish I could bottle it up and save it so I will never forget it… but I have a feeling these expressions are just you, and will last a lifetime.  I love you and appriciate the simple moments we have together.  Things get too busy and sometime I forget to have fun and just be happy.  Thanks for slowing me down and seeing how fun life really can be.

For Valentine’s Day, Cami made me a box of “love notes” which contained pictures of each of the kids and what they love about me.
                                
As you can see the scrapbooking work is amazing, but the concept is something each of us can do. A simple, yet often neglected, act of sharing appreciation can do so much for building relationships and strengthening self-worth. Too often we focus on what isn’t working or what hasn’t been done. We neglect what IS working and ALL that has been done.
I knew a person who wanted me to help her in dealing with her husband. She said he was a “15 minute Dad,” meaning she was lucky to get 15 minutes of support in any given day. She had stacks of evidence that proved to herself that this was true. She was very hurt and felt neglected and abandoned. As I comforted her in her pain, I worked to see how this impacted her relationship and how she interacted with her husband. She told me that she felt so hurt and upset that by the time he would get home she would be so upset and mad at him that he would often leave or walk away. This only reinforced her view of him as a 15 minute dad.
My research says that our perceptions influence what we expect and our expectations influence how we interact. Her pattern became this: I see him as a 15 minute dad. I expect him to not help or just to leave. I either raise my voice when I talk to him or I give him the cold shoulder. Can you see the pattern?
When I worked with her, I knew that her perception started her on a pattern that was hurting herself and hurting the relationship so I wanted to make sure her perception was accurate. I asked her to keep track of the exact minutes each day that her husband engaged. She was reluctant because she felt she already knew the answer.
When she saw me the following week she claimed I set her up and that I called her husband. She gave me the report: the shortest amount of time was 30 minutes and most days were a couple of hours….she realized her perception was not correct. Sure she wanted more and I’m sure she deserved more, but her incorrect perception was setting up a hurtful pattern of expectations and interactions. As she changed her perception she started to change her expectations and then her interactions. Eventually she found herself open and welcoming when he came home rather than upset and cold.
What can we learn from this and Cami’s love notes? We need to focus on the good, the positive, and what IS working. Find simple ways to first see what is good, positive and what works within yourself. Next, start challenging yourself to see the good in those around you…and then find ways to share it in little love notes.

No this isn’t Cami writing, it me….and I do love scrapbooking. Cami had a scrapbook night with some friends so I thought I would write about my love for scrapbooking. From time to time I have people ask if I like the fact that Cami likes scrapbooking so much.  My answer is always something very positive and supportive. I do like the pages she creates and the fact that our kids have this great history of their lives. I love the fact that at any time we can sit down and remember special events, family trips, or just silly simple days around the house. I think the key to why I love her scrapbooking so much is because she journals her feelings in the moment and we have that captured along with the pictures.

Why am I telling you this? Because there is another reason that I love scrapbooking, and this is it: When she scrapbooks it sends a very strong and clear message that she is important. How we spend our time and where we direct our attention and energy sends a message that those people are important. Children and husbands are constantly reinforced that they matter and they are important because their mother/spouse sends many messages each day to them as she works to serve them, take care of them, and make sure their needs are met. But we don’t always do a very good job of returning the messages. Sure kids are sweet and cute, but they don’t always send a clear message of “mom I’m sure glad you pick up all my messes, feed me day after day, are there when ever I need you even if it is the middle of the night when I’m half asleep kicking you in the ribs as I try to climb in your bed or when I’m sick and vomiting.” They forget that messages at the dinner table like “this is gross, I’m not eating this, why did you fix this, do I have to eat this, can I be done already” don’t send the most positive and supportive messages. So day after day moms may start feeling (believing) that they are not important or that they are only important when they serve as the maid, house keeper, secretary, or chauffer.
When Cami scrapbooks she is none of these things, instead she is Cami. She is creative, an artist, a friend, a photographer….a real person who has needs. I’ve always been supportive of scrapbooking because it is another way I try to tell her that she is important, that she has needs and they are important, and that there is more to her life than house work.
Messages we send and messages we receive can be key to our happiness. The great thing about serving others (sending them messages that they are important) is that the server can feel good about their ability to help others and their ability to build up others (which can be a positive message we send to ourself). Hopefully as we serve others we find others serving us and sending us the message that we matter and that we are important. It is also important to find simple ways to send yourself a message that you are important, that you have needs, and that you matter. What do you do to send these positive messages to yourself?

We had a great day this week at Chuck-e-cheese celebrating Maci and Cooper’s 5^th Birthday (we stayed there for 5 hours, what fun!).  Here are my thoughts on them getting a little older, of course in the format of a scrapbook page because that’s how my brain works.

The saddest mistake you can make in life is to let it pass you by: When raising you two the days seem long but the years go fast. ..oh so true.  I look at these pictures of your first few months and marvel at the innocence and purity in your face.  I would love to hold you again knowing your whole body would fit in the length of my arm.  As you approach your 5^th  birthday I wonder where all the time has gone.  I made a promise to myself when I found out I was expecting you two that I would truly enjoy each and every day.  With your brothers I spent much of their early days “just enduring.”  I don’t want you to think that life has been all roses raising you thus far, but I have enjoyed it; the good and the bad.  Still most nights I put you to bed and feel drained having little energy and only feeling like sacking out in front of the T.V.  However your Dad has taught me about living “in the present” instead of living in the future or the past.  I do my best to live each day knowing I can never have it back.  It helps me to quit stressing out about minor things. Some days I get discouraged thinking you are too little to remember all the work I do for you, all the hours I spend playing with you, feeding and taking care of you.  But in my heart I know that it is helping you to feel loved and secure.  Hopefully this love will sustain you through the tough times in life.  Knowing I will always be here for you.  I am still in shock that you are growing up so fast.  I’ll try to get use to the idea but you might stay my little “babes” for a while longer.  Love Mom