I love fall! Really I love all the seasons, and I especially enjoy the changing of the seasons. I think I get this from my mom as she took me on many drives as a child to see life as it was happening. She still lives this today as she has already taken several ‘fall drives.’ I’m yet to get out and always try to find the perfect place on the perfect weekend. Do you know of any great fall drives? Any place or event that is special to you during this time of year? I think one reason I enjoy the changing of the seasons is because it is something that is unique to that time of year and it only occurs during a few precious days or weeks. The changing of the seasons, and their celebrations, highlight the importance of enjoying the moment you are in…focusing on the present. If we keep focused on the past or think too much about the upcoming future, we will miss out on the special moments before us. Working to enjoy this change that is happening around us provides us a chance to reflect on what is changing in us. Bottom line….enjoy it. I read a few years ago that fall can be expressed as mother nature’s fireworks. What a sight and what a show.
                    
This is one of my favorite shots from last year. As great as this looks, this is just our elementary school a block away. If I get my perfect shot this year I’ll post it soon.

For the past week or so I’ve been reading one of my favorite childhood books to Braunson and Beaudry. The book is ‘My Side of the Mountain’ and it is about a boy who runs away from home to live in the mountains.

It is quite a fun story and one that I dreamed about as a boy. After the first night the boys were asking Cami, “why would anyone ever want to run away?” In that question I thought to myself that we must be doing something right. We have continued to read and they continue to ask why this boy would want to live away from his family.
The fact is we all want to be close to others. We need and want connections. Even this boy, Sam Gribley, longs for the companionship of his animal friends and rejoices when he has human visitors. Sometimes when we believe that we don’t deserve good relationships or that they don’t exist, we can try to convince ourselves that we don’t need relationships. This only goes so far before a part of us begins to long for that connection.
Some people, not just children, will even do somewhat unconventional tasks to get this connection. I worked with a little 12 year old boy who was court ordered to see me because he was putting holes in his bedroom walls. When I asked why he was doing this he said, “When they yell at me they know I’m alive.” That is very sad, yet very powerful.
Look at your spouse and your children and the relationships you have with them. How do you communicate your desire to be with them and how do they work to get your attention? The key is accessibility and emotional responsiveness. We all need this and we all want this.
In the next few days we will find out if Sam Gribley comes off the mountain or if he continues to live in his carved out tree….I’ll let you know.

Do you know the end of this phrase, “Are you ready for some ____________.” For some men and women these are six of our favorite words. Any idea what most men list as their least favorite six words? How about, “Honey we need to talk…..NOW!”
Why the varied responses to six little words? A lot has to do with what come after the words are spoken. After the first words comes Monday night football or for some any sort of football. After the second set of words, we often find ourselves on the wrong end of a pointed stick that says you did something wrong. Research states that the way we begin our conversation predicts how it will go. If you would like your spouse to stay engaged in your conversation, work on how you approach him/her. If we can work on what Gottman calls a ’softened start up’ we are much more likely to have a converstation without defensiveness. We will have a spouse who is more open, more receptive, and more responsive. What we want in our relationship (two keys to emotional connections) is accessibility and emotional responsiveness. I know that I, like many others, are easily emotionally responsive when we hear an invitation to watch some football.
                           
Braunson and Beaudry are trying a different kind of football this Fall. This was his first attempt at goalie.  During his time no one was able to yell, “GOOOOOOOOOOOAL.”

Do you and your spouse ever fight over who is right? Who started it? Or who’s fault it is? Most couples engage in these discussions from time to time, and the real question we need to ask is….Who wins? When we have discussions/fights/arguments around who is right or who is wrong, we are usually after something greater. So what is it? Often we are seeking validation, appreciation, or even just identification (or to be noticed). We engaged in these discussions because we want something that we are currently not getting. The problem: Rarely is there a winner and a loser in relationships. I believe either we both win or we both lose. The goal isn’t to walk away victor, trophy in hand, and spouse deafted. We need to find ways to make sure our relationship wins and that we leave the discussion with the trophy hand in hand.

I see this winner/loser discussion quite often in kids. My kids race to the dinner table and call out ‘first,’ ’second,’ and so on. It always seems that anyone from third place or worse wants to argue the rules of the race of try to disqualify someone for inappropriate contact. Cooper recently learned to ride his bike without training wheels. While he was trying to face his fears of road rash, his siblings kept pointing out how quickly or at what age they learned to ride their bikes. I’m sure they weren’t trying to push him down, they were trying to receive some validation and to share his attention. Bottom line….we need to make sure we build our relationships where we each win and can validate one another without putting the other down. It feels so much better to win together.

Did you capture those last minute items on your summer ‘to do’ list? I was able to get one last sunset in before the kids started back into school. So fun to slow down enough to see something that happens everyday, yet seems so special when you see it.

I hope you enter this new season with energy, excitement, and security in your relationship. I hope we can all build upon the times we created during the summer and make sure we have moments where we change our pace and do small, simple things that will build our relationships. A great quote by John Gottman states, ‘working on your relationship will do more for your physical health than going to the gym each day.’ When we feel secure in our relationship we are helped both emotionally and physically. Our immune system is under less of an attack and our emotional reserve is strengthened which can give us help in areas such as patience, empathy, and the desire to serve others. As you make your list of things to do each day or each week, make sure you put your relationship on that list. When you end the day and look back on all that you accomplished, high light what you did to build your relationship and how you strengthened your connection. You’ll be glad you did.

What are two keys to a good relationship? Two of my favorite phrases are ’safe haven’ and ’secure base.’ When we see our relationship as our haven or buffer from the stressors in our life we have the foundation of a good relationship. When we see our relationship as the support and comfort to face the stressors, we add another layer to our foundation. So how do we build safe havens and secure bases? I know that you have certain ways that you build and maintain your relationships, we all do. The key is to realize that most of the time it is the small things….those small, simple acts that build safety and strengthen the security. Even in times when we are busy and stressed, if we can take the extra effort to do the little things, we will find that they become big when it is time to draw on our relationship for extra strength and support.
September is off and running and most of us are into our new schedules. Where can you add some small (and I highlight SMALL) tokens of affection, acts of kindness, and words or apprecation to build up the reserves that we may need later? You can do it and you’ll be blessed for your efforts!

The beginning of September brings with it many changes…and today our big change is having four kids in elementary school. Beaudry and Braunson started third grade today!

Maci and Cooper started kindergarten…don’t know who is more excited them or mom? I know Preslie isn’t too excited as she tried to slip in line and even grabbed a seat as they headed into class.
                         

I could include so many more pictures to capture the fun of this time. Today is also special because it is my mother’s birthday. Both my mom and my dad will get a little younger this week and I wanted to share a picture that says, “wow…and look what you have to celebrate.”