I just wanted to say hi and let you know that we are still here. Spokane has received around 5 feet of snow this month and we have been amazed that it keeps coming. I hope you are all enjoying the holidays and enjoying sometime with family and friends. I love this time when we change our pace and change our focus. One of our fun presents was a Wii so we’ve had several bowling tournaments at our house and I can’t seem to beat my kids. We’ve also enjoyed many trips down the sled hill. There is something great about sledding and being a kid again.
As we wrap up 2008 and look ahead to 2009 I want each of us to think about how we can make this next year one where we will take control of our lives and control of the closeness in our relationships. Do you set goals as you head into a new year? Some do and others do not, but I want to encourage all of us to think of goals or ideas in a new way. I want us to think about relationship goals. What type of relationships do I want to build during the next 12 months? Is there someone who I want to reconnect with or something in a current relationship that I would like to change? Is there somethings I already do that if I were to be a bit more intentional, I could make a difference in the relationships I have.
If you’ve read my blog this past year then you know I like to focus on the two keep principles of Attachment Theory: Safe Haven and Secure Base. What goals could I set that would help be build a haven for those I care about and how can I serve as a secure launching pad for those who need some support? Lastly, how can each of us do a little better when it comes to using the safe haven and secure base that our family and/or spouse provide? I hope you have a great New Year and that you will find support to live the life you want to live and have the type of relationships you deserve.

Here is what we woke up to this morning. We measured and we have 21 inches, no school, and a new snow fort. So much fun to play in a wintery wonder land.


The first picture is our house and the second is looking up our street. The trees on the left line our property. We tried to go sledding but there was just too much powder.

We are dreaming of a white Christmas and I think we are going to get it. We have been dumped on all day and we are loving it!!! By the time I finished shoveling my drive way it was time to do it again. I’m taking a break before I hit it again.
I hope you are all enjoying the holiday season. I hope your bank accounts are full, both financially and emotionally. I hope you feel close to those around you and that you have planned special moments where you can enjoy the emotions of the season. Each time we have our first big snow I love to see the differences in how people react. Kids on campus were diving in it like they had never seen white fluff before…maybe they hadn’t seen it before. Others were grumpy and upset at the difficult driving conditions. While I saw another group, my kids, smiling with delight as they received a special pre-Christmas gift. The couldn’t get the warm clothes on fast enough and found every way possible to play in it. I hope you can find a way to enjoy this time of year and feel the wonderful emotions Christmas can bring. Happy Holidays!

We are feeling the bitter cold as winter approaches. I simply call this “Idaho cold” as it reminds me of the cold days when we lived in Idaho. As I was thinking about all this cold and letting it consume my focus, Cami reminded me of a great shot she took a week ago. Even in this cold time we still caught an amazing sunset. Looking at this shot changed my focus and changed my attitude.
Something as simple as a picture can represent a huge difference when we think about our lives and our relationships. What do we focus on and where do we spend our time? It is easy to see what is wrong in life and what others fail to do. Our relationships will benefit if we develop the practice of finding the beauty, focusing on the positive, and enjoying the moment. With this cold comes fun snow and the hopes of a white Christmas.

Last night Beaudry and Braunson sang in their 3rd grade music program. They both were very nervous and they did a great job with their parts. As they sang the many songs that cover the various religous holidays during this time of year, I was struck with the power of music and how it draws up such fun memories. I hope when you look back on your memories of Christmas you remember great moments.
One thing I have learned about memories that is so true this time of year is the reality that when we celebrate a tradition we bring with it all the past experiences. When we celebrate this season, our mind and body experience all the events from years past. This year’s celebration is the combination of a life time of memories…good or bad. I know some struggle this time of year and it can be overwhelming and lonely. My hope is that each of us find a way to feel connected and close to those who matter most.
As you go through the planning and prepping this year have you thought about what memories you hope to create this year? I always try and think of small ways to make the year stand out and I try to come up with the unique addition that my family will remember for years to come. When I look back at my childhood there are many small, even side stories, that have become the lasting memories.
I do know that this year one of my goals is to create a memory of connectedness. I know my kids are focused on presents and that’s part of being a kid. I also want them to look back and have some emotional memory of the family being together and feeling connected. As you plan your Christmas activities be thoughtful in creating moments that allow for connections. Connections occur when we are accessible and emotionally responsive. What activities can you create that allow those you are with to share at a deeper level or experience a different kind of emotion?

I hope your holiday planning, shopping, and busy-ness is going well. Preslie, our three year old, is in full Christmas mode. It is so fun to see her experience all of it as if it is her first Christmas all over again. It really helps me enjoy the small moments because they all seem so big to her.
As I work to support and encourage you to stay connected during this busy time, my focus is to help each of us enjoy the small moments of the season. It seems like everything this time of year is BIG, yet what is needed to stay connected are small. I don’t always share what Cami and I do because it isn’t really about what we do….it’s about what you do. I’ll share this as an example of how we are trying to enjoy the holiday moments and stay connected.
Last week was like most weeks, busy. Add to that the fact that I became sick and traveled to Canada to teach my weekend class. Thursday night I came home from my night class with a lost voice, stuffy head, and papers to grade before my 7:00 am flight. I went straight to bed, got up early and was out the door before anyone was awake. That set the pattern for the weekend…I had too much to do and didn’t feel well doing it and as a result I didn’t connect with Cami until Sunday. Sunday morning we had barely said hello and I was out the door to a set of meetings. Finally, Sunday evening with the kids snuggled in with popcorn and a Christmas movie, Cami and I could finally be together. We have a goal each year to sit by the tree, enjoy music, and be together. We didn’t do or say anything amazing. In fact, we just jumped around in our conversation and caught each up on the past few days. We did spend some time talking about Christmas…but the focus was just being together. When the kids emerged from the finished movie, I was relaxed, re-fueled, and connected.
I hope that you find time to enjoy the moments of the season. There will be many magical moments and it is our challenge to capture them.

So if you have checked out our site during the last month you will know that our focus was on building the emotional bank account in your relationship. Now that we are in December (really, already?) the question is: How did it work? What did you do differently over the last month to build your relationship, add to your reserve, or stop living on credit? You know in the financial world we have learned a lot about the risks associated with living beyond our means, yet many still do it. If you have ever been on that side of the balance you know how it can affect every portion of your life. In the relationship world there are many of us who have tried to share the risks associated with living in a relationship where you demand more than you give. Just like our financial world….relationships are not very fun in a recession.
Now on to December, one the best months of the year and one of the most difficult relationship months as well. As we find ourselves busier than ever (if that is possible), it is easy to give our relationship a month long pause. Let’s make a holiday goal together: Let this year be a holiday season to remember! When we look back on Christmas of 2008, let us say that we enjoyed more time with our spouse, more moments with our kids, and more memories about how great it feels to be connected.
Through out the month of December we will be discussing the “emotions” of the holidays. One reason I love this time of year is because there is an extra feeling in the air. We know that how we feel influences how we act, so it is so fun to see people respond to their feelings. You see it in the eyes of your children, in the smiles of your family, and in the extra moment on the street with your neighbor. Let this be the season of relationships. Give the gift that no one seems to have, gift a moment of yourself to those who matter most. I love this time of year and have set several goals for myself to make sure I stay in control of the season rather than holding on for the ride. I look forward to fun times with my kids, music filled moments with my wife, and reflective moments where I can capture the true reason for the season. Enjoy the holidays and you’ll be glad you did!