I’m about to begin a new semester of classes where I have the opportunity to make a small mark on the lives of my students and on their beliefs about counseling, relationships, and life. I have found myself tossing through the night as I anticipate the new beginning because I have so many ideas and I wonder which ones would work and which ones I dare try. Do you ever have this experience or am I the only one? I’ve had several nights since the new year where I have seriously thought about getting out of bed to write down my thoughts. Of course I didn’t and in the morning they came out not so clearly as I tried to share my new found excitement with Cami. Yet, what has remained is this excitement. I really love focusing on relationships and know that there are so many answers out there. I ended up watching a few minutes of an info-commerical on some health kick idea (yes, I’m like many of you trying to be healthy in the new year). What I ended up thinking about was the fact that our relationships need time just like our bodies. I’m watching this show as it says that all we need is 30 minutes a day and we can have great _______________ (abs, arms, …you fill in the blank.) 30 minutes of focused thought and attention (not to mention the healthy eating throughout the day, good amounts of sleep, and good rest). Couldn’t that be the recipe for a healthier relationship?
I know we are all busy, life seems to like it that way. I know we have so many things that demand our time, attention, and energy. I also know great happiness comes when we make relationships a part of our ‘to do’ list. I know we find peace, comfort, and lots and lots of security when we put loving our spouse (or children) at the front of our priorities. This doesn’t mean we spend every minute loving them. What it means is when we have a minute, we love them. Being physically and mentally present is one key to secure relationships, and the other principle is being emotionally responsive.
I get so excited when I think about what will happen in our homes, families, and marriages when we devote a few more minutes of focus and time to our relationships. Did you happen to see Pete Caroll being introduced as the new Seattle Seahawks coach? Talk about excited! We should be that hopeful about our futures when we think about our relationships. I know I am, and I sure hope you are too!

I hope you enjoyed the holidays and all the activities that you could squeeze in. Our family created a few new traditions while maintaining some fun rituals that keep the spirit of the Holidays alive and well. Now it is onto 2010 and a chance to create something new. Are you one who begins each year with a set of new resolutions? I usually prefer to update my goals throughout the year and leave new year’s day for football and winter activities. This year I do plan to work throughout the year to keep some new resolutions on how I want to live my life and how I want to love my wife.
As you contemplate your new year,  I ask you to develop a set of simple goals to help you create a new you. Let this year be one where you find your best self and work to enhance the personal image you have of yourself. In addition, I ask you to plan specific ways where you will develop, nurture, and grow relationships in your life.
We are not only starting a new year, we are beginning a new decade. In the area of research on couples and relationships, this last decade was filled with new knowledge that changed the way the profession worked to support those seeking to better their relationship. I am so excited as I try to image what we will learn and what we will do over the next 10 years as we work to better understand relationships and how to help each of us experience the sense of security that is so important. Let this be the best decade of your