I know many of you have been celebrating summer for a month now, but for us it has finally arrived. The kids had their first full week of vacation and the weather finally turned warm and sunny. Summer is such a great time of year to change our pace and to change our focus. For some of us we spend more time outside, more time recreating, and more time with friends and family. Summer, and the warmer weather and longer nights, creates the perfect excuse to try something new. Invite people over for smores and night games in the back yard or head to the park for a family picnic. Today our family found a fun park along the Spokane River by Post Falls, ID. We carted our lunch with us and ate underneath tall pines. The kids played in the water and Preslie fell in and then decided just to enjoy a quick swim. We played on the big toy and then everyone took their turn swinging the bat while we practiced some baseball. Just a fun afternoon with little prep. It was just a step a way from the house, the routine, and all the many projects that call to us the rest of the week.
Summer creates the natural backdrop to do small activities that build lasting memories. A fun bike ride, a nice casual walk, or just sitting on the porch. As summer heats up, some of us will find ways to head out on a family adventure. We will hit the woods, lakes, and water parks. We will attend family reunions and reconnect with cousins and siblings. We will strenghten relationships that keep us going the rest of the year. Some of these activities will be true adventures with risks, wild rides, and even roller coasters. Others will enjoy long talks, small talk, and even laughter. When you are with the ones you love, it really doesn’t matter what you do.
Let this be a summer where you build relationships and focus on what matters most.

This morning I was given a model that shows the pattern of a relationship in four steps. First, we fall in love where there is romance, infatuation, little conflict, and often we see the other as ‘perfect.’ After some time this stages progresses into what could be called the settling down phase. Here we begin to see imperfections and differences. We settle into a routine and operate in a fairly regular cycle. Then we progress to a third stage where we ‘bottom out.’ Here partners hide from confrontation, engage in blaming and alienation. In this stage we have a choice - we can either move into a holding pattern were we continue to bottom out which often results in rock bottom or the end - or we can leave or fight. Here we acknowledge that we are part of the problem and work to create change. If we choose to change we move to the fourth stage called ‘beginning again’ where we remember why and how we are attracted to the other person. We often realize what we are attracted to is different than the beginning and we move to reconciliation, forgiveness, and hope. We begin to fall in love again.

I don’t know if that cycle describes relationships exactly the way I see them, but I like the part where we have a choice to move into a holding pattern or create change by doing something different. Why would someone move to a holding pattern? Comfort, familiarity, fear…etc. I believe in each of our relationships we all need courage to dare to do something different. Even when life is good we need to be building courage to fight the tendency to bottom out or turn away. We need to dare to be different and work to create new patterns of connections; new opportunities to grow together; and moments of forgiveness and reconcilation.

We recently returned from Cami’s grandma’s funeral and with that trip has come a lot of deep thoughts about life.

Throw Father’s Day into that and it all adds up to moments of deep reflection about the type of life I want to live. I heard a saying years ago that asked “do you live to work or do you work to live?” I believe I work to live, yet there are stretches in my schedule where some may think I simply live to work. So I want each of us to take some time to think about our living legacy…what does our current life say about who we are and how we live(d) our life.
For Father’s Day each of the kids wrote me a short letter thanking me for being their father. In each note were a handful a statements about what they liked about me, what they want from me, and what they enjoy doing with me. Some were obvious like Cooper saying he appreciates me making lots of money and he would hope that I would give it all to him. Others were based on recent activities like Beaudry saying he enjoys going mountain biking with me. Yet a few really spoke to what I hope is my living legacy with my kids. They spoke of the time we spend together, the ideas I share with them, and the coaching I do on the side. More than being a hard worker, I want my kids to know I valued our time together and that I valued them.
Lately we’ve been consumed with house projects…I think each kid now has a new bed, new bedroom feel, and a few new places to store things. With all of this I tried to highlight that my bedroom hasn’t been updated since we were married and probably won’t be in any near future (by choice). I wanted my kids to see that I valued their experience more than my own. I’m not sure they care too much about that at this point, but it seems important for them to know that from me.
What else is important to you and how you live your life? When it comes to our legacy I don’t believe it is about having the right one, or if our’s is wrong…it is about fit. Does your life represent who you are and how you want to live? Does your focus represent what you value and what brings you joy, satisfaction, and lasting security? I sure hope so.

Today is the last day of school for our kids and with that comes a ton of different emotions. Can you remember one of your last days of school? So much fun. So much anticipation. So much excitement. With all of the fun, anticipation, and excitement some of us become focus-challenged. With everything going on, we can’t seem to remain focused on the tasks at hand. Here is an example to illustrate my point:
Yesterday at school the kids had a ‘field day’ which turned out to be a ‘gym day’ because of rain. They had movies for part of the day and a long list of games they could play the other part of the day. Maci and Cooper had games in the morning, then lunch, then some ‘Tapping Grandmas’ before the games could begin. When the time finally arrived it was a free-for-all. Kids were running back and forth, station to station. Mobs of kids trying to all jump on the blow up twister game, while others danced in the gym. In the middle of all this craziness I ran into Maci. I literally ran into her as she was running form station to station. The funny thing is that she wasn’t doing any of the activities. She would run as fast as she could to a station (let’s say twister) then see the line was long and wait about 30 seconds before leaving for the line dancing in the gym. She danced about 8 beats before she heading to the library for board games. When I finally ran into her I asked her what she was doing and she said, “there are so many things to do that I don’t know what to do.” And since she didn’t know what to do, she was ending up doing nothing.
This can be many of us at different stages in our lives. We are pulled in many different directions because of the options and opportunities that are available to us. With the endless options some become ‘paralyzed by choices’ while others begin many choices yet rarely stick with one decision to see it to the end. What happens when this becomes a pattern? Can you picture this and can you identify times in your life when you have been in this dance?
The challenge is to choose your focus and to take charge of your shifting states. It’s okay (and even healthy) to shift needs, focus, and direction. The key is to be in control of shifts and turns. If not we either become lost without a true compass of what we need, want, and desire…or we can become paralyzed by the choices and literally freeze in our decision making.
So now my kids are finally joining the many other kids who have already started summer vacation. This exciting time with endless possibilities. Will they choose a focus, become lost along the way, or become bored/frozen with too many choices. Help them choose a focus, stay on task, and enjoy the moment…remember life is best lived in the present. Happy summer!

With each new season I seem to look back at the last one and say, “life is going to fast,” or “I work too much.” Well lately I’ve felt that again as we count down the final days of the school year. Tonight I’m teaching my final summer school class until July and the kids have less than two weeks until summer. Yesterday we attended a final school party for Maci and Cooper, which means the end is really near.
Right now we have several people who are dear to us who are struggling with health issues and it makes me think about what I deem most important in my life. My kids might say it is my job because of the countless hours I seem to spend working. I’m always picking up a new client, an additional class, or a new workshop. I love what I do, but it isn’t what matters most.
My kids might say it is sports - watching football in the fall, ultimate frisbee on Saturday mornings, golf clubs in the trunk of my car waiting to be played, or the occasional mountain bike ride. I do love to recreate, but they are not what matters most.
After all of that, my kids would then have to say what matters most must be food related -bbq (ribs, pulled pork, something smoked), out to eat, Thai food, homemade David’s Pizza, etc. They know I’m always in the kitchen looking for something fun to make. Nope, not what matters most.
Then they would get it right - family; doing activities; being together. This is what matters most - the people in my life! Relationships are maintained and built by the exchanges we have together. Relationships are strengthened by sharing ourselves with those around us. Relationships are strengthened knowing we are there for the special moments. I know we cannot always be there for one another, so the challenge is to enjoy the moments when we can be there. I hope your summer plans are focused on creating moments with those who matter most.