Finding Meaning in your Marriage
I think we have heard a lot about the importance of purpose and meaning in our lives. Many of us are goal oriented people and know how goals are important in keeping us focused in our lives. One of my favorite sayings about goals is this, “If you don’t know where you are going, you will probably wind up somewhere else.” This applies for things big and small. I was in San Diego this past week and I kept saying, “I hope to make it to the beach.” I never really set it as a goal and I really never saw the beach, the sand, or the waves. I finally caught a glimse from the airplane on the way out, but that didn’t meet the need I ‘hoped’ it would. No goal, no beach!
What about meaning and purpose in marriage? Jim Bitter, a national writer on several counseling approaches has written this: “Purpose and meaning are intimately connected, that is, the purposes we seek define who are and what we are worth.” “Purpose explains the present and anticipates the future.” These statements have really struck me as I seek to better understand the how and why of couple relationships. I really believe the purpose and meaning we make in our relationship directly influences how we live in our relationships. Most of the discussion on goals, purpose, and meaning are directed at individuals. Have you taken the time to make your marriage one with a secure purpose? Do you and your spouse take time to discuss what meaning you want in your marriage and what goals you are setting to make sure you accomplish this purpose?
Jim Bitter said that our purpose explains the present and anticipates the future. In this I believe he is speaking to the power of intention and how our current intentions influence our future. How purposeful are you in your marriage? Sometimes it is easy to let this go and be focused on making everything else better. Our marriages are the place we come home to, a place we retire. Do we actively build them up? Are we intentional in nuturing them and our spouse?
One final piece, Jim Bitter spoke of the connection between purpose, meaning, and what we are worth. I think self-worth is one of the keys to life. If you can figure out how to have strong self-worth, then you’ll be fine in life. I think we can also link this to our relationships. The purpose and meaning we set for our relationships will impact their worth. When our marriages are full of worth, we will be full of worth. The security found in our relationships provides personal safety and security –two keys in building self-worth.
