Dare to do different
This morning I was given a model that shows the pattern of a relationship in four steps. First, we fall in love where there is romance, infatuation, little conflict, and often we see the other as ‘perfect.’ After some time this stages progresses into what could be called the settling down phase. Here we begin to see imperfections and differences. We settle into a routine and operate in a fairly regular cycle. Then we progress to a third stage where we ‘bottom out.’ Here partners hide from confrontation, engage in blaming and alienation. In this stage we have a choice - we can either move into a holding pattern were we continue to bottom out which often results in rock bottom or the end - or we can leave or fight. Here we acknowledge that we are part of the problem and work to create change. If we choose to change we move to the fourth stage called ‘beginning again’ where we remember why and how we are attracted to the other person. We often realize what we are attracted to is different than the beginning and we move to reconciliation, forgiveness, and hope. We begin to fall in love again.
I don’t know if that cycle describes relationships exactly the way I see them, but I like the part where we have a choice to move into a holding pattern or create change by doing something different. Why would someone move to a holding pattern? Comfort, familiarity, fear…etc. I believe in each of our relationships we all need courage to dare to do something different. Even when life is good we need to be building courage to fight the tendency to bottom out or turn away. We need to dare to be different and work to create new patterns of connections; new opportunities to grow together; and moments of forgiveness and reconcilation.
